I have a first aid kit in my car. It is bright red and full of the things you see on St. Elsewhere or ER (and about as old as either program). Actually, I do change the bandages out every so often, but I have never had the chance to use most of these tools, except when I slice my finger in the kitchen or I want my students to listen to their own heartbeats. That’s pretty cool, and kind of scary for them, cause they think their hearts stop every now and then. Back to Health 101 in the classroom.
And everyone should have a first aid kit in the car.
So I read in the newspaper (yes, it’s real paper) that a first aid kit should have tampons in them because they are just the right size for bullet holes. In people.
So I am going to CVS to see if I can buy some tampons (do they still call them that or something like personal pluggers? I don’t know but I imagine the conversation might be tricky.
Yes, Ma’am, can I help you?
Well, I need to buy some tampons
Ugh… they’re on that shelf over there.
But I need to know what size to get (and I am imagining a pimply sixteen year old boy whose face is a pretty pink by now)
And I’ve been fixed so they’re really not for me (I could show him my scar, kind of runs from my navel on down, well, you know where)..
(still no words)
And they’re really not for me, I just need to know what size to get to put into my first aid kit
(by then, he has crouched down and crawled off to find the manager, I suppose)
HELLO! I’m still here! I think I need a small, medium and a large, do you have those sizes?
(still no answer)
Do you know about bullet sizes? Cause I’m not really sure about how big the bullet holes are and I need to plug them up if I ever need to help anyone so can you help me?
See what I mean? Heaven help me if I ever witness a shooting, but I want to be prepared. Maybe I’ll send Frank to get them. He’s a hunter (but he knows buckshot better than tampons, so maybe not).